Work today was alright, wasn't that many people. I was the cashier today!!! I was kinda nervous for the first time, I had to re-key one lady's orders for 3 times before I could get it right. So embarassing. One thing, I realised my work is until 3 plus 4 and not 8. Sobx! It's damn early. After work, I called Nick and we went shopping in Orchard. He bought his comics from Kinokuniya and I went Heeren to check out the price for those black punk wristbands. That is to match with my New Year clothes! Came back home around 6 plus. Darn early I said.
I thought I could give him up as quickly as I thought, but it was a really terrible night for me last night. I dreamt of him but I don't remember what was it about. I just know it's something bad and I was panicking and feeling scared. After I woke up and turned in again, the same thing continues. I didn't sleep well at all. I felt as if I was frowning the whole night. I find it really stupid and weird. We were together for even less than 2 months or should I say 1. We never got to spend any of our anniversaries before, and psst, it's coming. I don't know why I'm feeling all this crap I never felt before. It doesn't feel good. It's really torturing me. Since it's over for us, and that I know we can't be together again, I would really wanna brainwash myself in one way or another. I just don't wanna remember everything. He's like my shadow, following me everywhere. Everywhere I go, whatever I see, reminds me of him. I've thought through, since he can't accept me for who I am, no point we should be together, because I had already left a black mark in him and that wouldn't erase whatever I do. Even my good points would be covered by that little mistake I made. People just tend to see the bad points of one, rather than seeing the overall. If I'm that bad, then I'm sorry, I'm not suitable for you. You deserve someone better. I couldn't meet to your requirements, I couldn't be what you want. You yourself once said nobody is perfect. I'm not either. Accept it or lose it. I lost you or either way, whatever the case is, find someone who suits you. It's amazing how short we lasted. I just can't forget how we started. Even started going out with you when I with "him", you know who. The feeling you gave me was really different from the rest. Even different from Joel. Maybe because of the intimate times I could spend with you and that I had never spend with other guys before. It's really hard to forget you I must say, but I think it's easy for you. You gave in more in any other relationships you had. So now, I ain't that someone special in you but I hope you find someone soon. Someone you could accept and love wholeheartedly. While at the mean time, enjoy your single and carefree life. Take care...
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