First thing. I feel lost in school. Like friends I mentioned before. I don't know if I belong somewhere there. Now I'm starting to wonder if this route is cut out for me. I don't have the confidence I had when I was in Sazali's class (My previous acting teacher). I just don't feel right. Ivan is very very irritating all the time. He speaks in a rather high pitch and pretends to know what we are talking about and always hang around with us. I mean hanging around with us is ok but why must he be so sticky in a sense like we are giving very strong signals we don't wanna be with him. Like sneaking away from him, hiding in the toilet and sneaking to the back lift to go for lunch while he's waiting for us at the main lift. It's pretty obvious. We even say sarcastic things to him, we even tried to tell him not to be "everything I know" guy, but it obviously didn't work.
Secondly, I've been having rashes or cold measles lately. It has been ongoing for 5days. Today there wasn't any signs of it. I've went to the western doctor. He gave me a jab and I screamed and laughed at the same time. I can't tolerate pain. It didn't get any better. I went to the movies after visiting the doctor and realised when I came out it was worse. And I was wearing a skirt! So my whole leg was red patches like mosquito bites but not. Both my legs, my arms and fingers as well. I feel as if I got some sexual disease like that. Very horrifying. So darling was like relax ok. Nobody will notice you, if you act this way, people will look at you. I'm like ok ok. Didn't get better by sunday, so on monday I went to school. Was having class half way when I went to the toilet and I noticed my butt and thighs were full of it again though not as bad as on saturday, the day I went to the movies. I was itching all over especially my butt, so I asked my teacher to let me go early to see the doctor. Called up my mother and she told me to see the chinese doctor. Just nice my teacher recommended me to the chinese doctor near our school and he's really good and detailed. Guess what? I had acupuncture. Damn it was painful. Maybe for other people who tried won't think it's painful but for me it was like AH! It was very sour. I tried not to think but I couldn't. I focus too hard on the needles, thinking where he would pin them on. So ouch. He put a spherical thingy on my belly button as well. He used tongs and cotton ball (I think), he lighted up the cotton ball and insert in the spherical object and took it out quickly. Suck on my belly and took it out again. For about 3 times. Then las time he put it there and asked me to relax. Obviously I was too tensed up that's why he said that. So I tried to close my eyes but Pei Shan was there to accompany me. I don't know what's so funny about her but I just wanna laugh at everything she said. So my stomach hurts badly because that thing was sucking my belly button and I'm straining my stomach muscles while laughing. I think it's getting better. I'm under medication right now.
Thirdly, I'm torn between so many things right now. I have exams coming soon and I haven't prepared much for it. It clashed with the short film project that I auditioned for. But that I think I can handle it. I think the biggest problem is another assignment in school, Mr Lee assigned Cheryl and me to be production manager /assistant for 2 projects, vice versa. It's gonna start in first week of April where my birthday is! Though my birthday is not really that important but what was important to me was spending time with darling and my family on that very day. I asked Sahirrah if it was required to stay on every rehearsals and bump ins and whatever. she said not so phew. Before she said not, I was worrying of another thing. Darling is gonna have a block leave in march but don't know when. I'm afraid it would clash and it would be a waste. I know I have to choose one somehow but it seems to me like everytime this type of thing happens, I would most probably choose him. It's not gonna do me any good I know because I need to focus on my studies as well. If now I'm unable to cope what about year 2 and 3? One thing I discussed with Sahirrah. My studies is long term and darling is short term (just taking precaution). Now I'm more focused on the short term, kinda neglecting the long term. It would affect my long term. If I focus on my long term instead of my short term, If I lose my short term, I will definitely break down. He means a lot to me. That's why now it's kinda hard for me to juggle both sides. P.S. Darling, if you are reading this, please give me more time. I'm really torn. Sometimes I don't know how to tell you because what I'm doing in school sometimes may seem absurd to you. Our mindset seems different.
Fourth, I need to update my pictures that I promised so long ago. I'm going to right now. =)
Chinese New Year Photos
1 Year Anniversary - Valentine's Day
NAFA Cheetah Theatre Make Up photos
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