I'm losing it all. My faith, my strength, my cool, my temper, my kindness. Everything. I wanna run away. But I can't bear to leave the ones that I love, yet they are the ones to force me to leave. I'm trembling, feeling pain, feeling numbness in my head, my hands, fingers and my feet. The numb that no one else sees. Only I feel. She scolds, I feel. He gets mad, so do I. I never felt anything thing like this. I couldn't stand. I dropped and fell and my head started spinning. I can't see. My breath keeps getting faster, my ache is pouring in quicker. I'm on the ground and she's still screaming. Please stop. Don't. Leave me alone. I wanna walk out. No strength. I cry my heart out. The strength is there. I can't move. 15 minutes I've wasted my tears and mucus. I'm sorry. I don't hear you at all. Why do we have to shout? Why did I shout? Why the sudden burst of anger? I wasn't like this. What made me this way? Who knows what I'm going through? Only I know because I really hate to repeat myself. I don't wanna tell anyone. Is it a bad thing? I'm tired to tell people what happen but I need someone there for me. I wish I'm alone but yet not. Oxymoronic. Tim gets the credit. I should lie down. Should I answer the calls? I don't know how to resolve this problem. But I can't break the ties. I have responsibilities. Will the calls ever ring? Relationship sours. Both. No. Three ways. What did I do? Was it my fault? Please, time, heal everything. But there's not much time left. Someone is going to walk away. Or is it something? Let me close my eyes. I'll let you chase my thought away. But please do not stay.

Janet
blogged this at 9:02 PM